Holy Roma!

OK. We have a night of free internet in Patras so we are going to throw a quick blog up here to entertain the masses. Keep in mind that the next posts may be coming from us when we are back in the USA. Here is an update on our stay in Rome.

#1-- Let's start with our hotel. We will call it Il Hotel di Joj. The rooms were insanely small and the beds were so tiny and so close together that we were all prepared to wake up cuddling our roommates. One suggestion thrown out on the table was for Brent to give up his bed and sleep in the closet (which, incidently, smelled like absolute ASS) so that Harvey could have the equivalent of a twin bed to sleep in. When we checked out of the hotel, Harvey wanted to make sure he didn't leave anything under the bed. His way of solving that problem? Simply lifting the beds off the ground with one hand. We will be happy to get home so that we can actually turn over in bed.
#2-- Our local tour guide was named STEFANIA!!!! I mean, could that have gotten better? Actually. It can. Tour guides in Europe typically carry something in their hand that extends above the crowd so that the group can easily follow. In London, it was an umbrella with cupcakes. In Florence, it was a green monkey on a stick. In Rome...... it was the italian version of the Twatter!!! Stefania showed up with a giant pink feather attached to a stick. Harvey and Karen almost died when they saw it. AND THEN, when describing a statue in the Vatican Museum, Stefania used the term "fecundity." Harvey and Karen almost pissed themselves. Photos of Stefania and the twatter to come.
#3-- Do we all remember the 15 minute lady from the last post? Well, she is continuing to be a piece of work on a daily basis. Evidently 15 minute lady is allergic to cheese. How do we know this? Because in Rome, she began screeching across the hills to our tour guide, "PAOLA?!?!?!?!?! DO THESE PEOPLE KNOW I CAN'T HAVE CHEESE????? NO CHEESE! NO CHEESE!!!!!" It should be noted that all of the people at these restaurants have spoken at least enough english to understand someone calmly stating "I can't have any cheese on this dish." She has now adopted a hand motion consisting of covering her entire plate with both hands and shaking them violently should anyone come by with a dish of parmesean cheese.
#4-- While on our walking tour of Rome, we had to have these whisper guide systems. These guides connect each person to the tour guide and help everyone stay together and get their learn on. What they also do is transmit private conversations between the tour guide and other members of the group from 100 ft away. In this case it was Stefania being unsympathetic to Princess and her mother, so clearly we loved every delicious second of eavesdropping.
#5-- Our dinner the last night in Il Hotel di Joj was a vast cornicopia of random food. The menu consisted of lasagna as an appetizer, then turkey with french fries and salad as the entree, and tiramasu for dessert. Maybe they needed to clean out the freezer??

Rome's Awards--
The "Boot and Rally" Award: To Paola for vomiting on the Metro, on the street corner, and in her hotel room the first afternoon and still being at breakfast at 7am. Kudos to you, Paola!
The "Hills" Award: To the 3 girls who are having a feud to rival LC and Heidi. We had to have a come to Jesus with them in Rome. Good times!
The "Customer Service" Award: To the clerk at the supermarket for having the nastiest attitude this side of France.
The "Outside Observer" Award: To Joy, Clare's sister-in-law, for seeing the group in action and describing the group as full of "special people."

Delphi Heat Index-- The city bus we took from the Pantheon to Vatican City.
Internal Heat Regulation Award-- The crossbreeze at the Vatican Museum which Karen described as a religious experience.

Where in the world are Harvey's crazy kids?

It has been a while so here you go…
#1—The day that Shit attacked.
A. We go to the Eiffel tower and what happens on the way? Daddy dumb-dumb gets pickpocketed. He spends the rest of the day working that out and getting nasty looks from his wife.
B. Brent and Karen go to Montmarte, have a wonderful time and then Princess falls and hurts her ankle. Her mom rushes to her aide, Karen checks out the situation and gives her 4 Advil.
C. Brandy, a student who our tour guide has suggested has a weird name, leans against the alarm in the subway and the French Police come to check out the scene. Courtland also gets caught in the turnstile, Karen gets him pushed through, and they all almost get arrested.
D.Clare and Harvey don’t ask Mom of Princess how the girl is doing, because they could tell and had talked to Karen, Mom proceeds to explain to Harvey that he and Clare are horrible, Harvey and she have words in the Hard Rock Café. Paula has to calm Harvey down…A LOT.
#2—Off to the Louvre…
A. Injured girl gets a wheelchair and gets a front row seat at the Mona Lisa. She was surrounded by Asain people of all varieties, who probably thought she was a celebrity because she got so close.(Her mom actually pushed her under the barrier).
B. Harvey gave some great Art History lessons.
C. Remember…don’t sit down in the Louvre Mall you will be asked to get up.
D. We felt like cattle.

#3. Beau-JoJo Airport
We left Paris to go the airport. Harvey thought we were going to the airport in Paris. When he woke from his two hour nap, he found the bus in the middle of nowhere. Ryanair, our low cost carrier, makes money by putting its terminals in semi-out of the way locations. One student got through security with a cake cutter…safety first. Karen thought that a chicken might walk by and sit in an empty seat. The seats were made of plastic and had tray table locks, but no tray tables. The flight attendants sold the water, soda, and snacks, but also sold lottery scratch off tickets. There accounting system consisted of generic red solo cups. The plane literally took off and landed in fields of bunnies.

#4..Florence
The Entourage of three ladies with ZERO personality did not leave the hotel on the ONE day we have in Florence, and they could not have cared less.
We learned from our tour guide, Alessandro, today that a) everything created by Michaelangelo was a miracle and that b) everything outside is fake. Evidently, all sculptural and architechtural adornments are housed in a museum behind the Duomo. We figured the fakes must be good fakes so we didn’t bother visiting the real counterparts.
We finish a walking tour and are surrounded by hundreds of cafes in the middle of this pedestrian city and one parent asks, “Where can we find some water.” Harvey wanted to tell that you have to climb the 493 steps of the Duomo to get water, but the tour guide told her, “I don’t know, a café, any café, a café, any café.” The same parent had previously asked “How long is that walk” answer “15 minutes” her next question “How long will that take?” WHAT THE FUCK!!!! (When we recounted these stories with Paula, she asked if this lady was on drugs??)
We saw David and he is uncircumsized, therefore he is not Jewish, therefore this is an artistic piece, NOT an actual storytelling piece.
Speaking of a penis. Harvey and Clare had to put the smack down on some potential (and frankly probable) smelly sex happening between two yucky teenagers.

Here are some awards—
The “F-tard” Award: To the parent who asked all the dumb questions. Seriously. It’s 15 minutes.
The “Red Headed Stranger” Award: To Paola for spontaneously breaking into “On the Road Again” when we got on the bus in Pisa.
The “Homeland Security Code Red” Award: To Paola’s dog who she described thusly, “My dog, she used to be a terrorist. But, she’s giving it up.” We’ll have to take the pooch off the watch list.
The “Realism” Award: To Clare for knowing the value of a euro. After one of the aforementioned yucky teenagers spent 50 euros on a not so great original portrait of herself, we learned that a margarita at the Hard Rock Café cost 10 euro. Brent noted that each margarita was 1/5th of an original portrait. Clare’s realism abounded as she stated, “I’d rather have 5 margaritas.”
The “Best Stereotype” Award: To our local guide, Alessandro, for honestly saying “MAMMA MIA!!!” while using excessive hand gestures.

The Rebecca Danchise Topping Memorial Snack: Nutella and banana crepes.
Hydration Station—the fountain on the Ponte Vecchio.
Delphi Heat Index Award—the hot stone steps we sat on in a piazza today even though they were in the shade.
Internal Heat Regulation Award—Karen and Clare’s air conditioning which was a miracle due to their faith in G-d.

PS. Our darling student with no money or cell phone numbers got her credit cards to work. Now she is charging everything for people to get pocket money. Still no word from mom, dad, or the church secretary.

Bonjour!

Bonjour from Paris!!! We left London via the Chunnel yesterday and arrived in France in no time. Here are some highlights from the last few days—

#1— The number one reason for tears on the trip thus far is camera problems. We have had three children hysterical for camera purposes. Note to all children- everyone will be posting their pictures on Facebook. GET OVER IT.
#2—Best example of confronting problems, identifying solutions, and moving forward must go to the girl who lost her credit card, called the company overseas, cancelled it, and activated her backup card all behind Harvey’s back. If she hadn’t been significantly late while losing said credit card at Harrod’s, Harvey would love her more.
#3—Bus driver update. Here in France we have been blessed with Christoph. He has had no road rage on any of our trips, however, there were no examples of bus driver solidarity. Maybe this doesn’t extend to mainland Europe? More details to follow.
#4—The other male chaperone, Brent, is doing a great job speaking French. Why is this a highlight? I am sure JMU would be happy to know that he succeeded in intermediate French after using certain outside resources (aka Google Translate) to place out of beginner French. C’est bon!!
#5—Our tour guide’s name is Paola. There is so much to say about Paola that it is hard to confine it to any bullet points. Let me share with you some quotes that you should say to yourself in a fake Italian accent until we get home and do the Paola impression for you:
-“Eet will be easy peasy lemon squeezy!”
-“Socks are my weakness!” (She literally wore toeless silver fishnet socks that went in between her big toe and had no heel. Think thongs for feet.)
-“Hahrvey, I do not care if they drink, they just should not get silly.”
-“Hahrvey! You sew?? We can exchange patterns!!”
#6—We were at some gardens in the city center yesterday and determined that the Danchise-Topping construction company should submit a bid to spruce that place up!!

And here are some awards—
The “Wii Fit Award”—To Karen for the effed up way she had to balance on one leg in the tiny stall shower in London. Balance this!
The “Best Stereotype Award”—To the French soccer announcers who spent the entire game tonight saying “Oooohhhhh la la la la la la!” and “Ay yi yi yi yi yi!”
The “Ass Kicker of the Year Award”—To Clare for ripping into the guest tour guide (also named Claire) after the tour guide wanted to send all of the under 18 children through Versailles without a chaperone. Clare gets extra credit for a smackdown!!!!
The “F-tard Award”—To the parents of a student for eating at McDonalds five minutes after arriving in Paris.
The “I see London, I see France Award”—to SK for falling while getting a picture taken at the Eiffel Tower and had her skirt fly up over her head.
Hydration Station— To Karen for drinking a 1.5 liter bottle of water, Perrier, and 5 glasses of water at the dinner table. Let us keep in mind that Karen has not peed yet!
The Becky Groves Memorial Meal in Paris—Baguette du Fromage (it was fabulous).
The Delphi Heat Index—
-We actually had a pleasant first day in Paris but one of our mothers was having hot flashes so she gets the Internal Delphi Heat Index Award.
-Today’s would have to be the top level of the train back from Versailles.
The Internal Heat Regulation Awards—
-Chocolate to help the hot flashes.
-The shade outside Notre Dame that gave Clare goosebumps in 90 degree weather.

P.S. We were treated to quite possibly the most fabulous meal of the trip tonight. We had Tunisian couscous that was served family style. The 2 best parts were—1) Paola giving detailed instructions on how to eat couscous 24 hours in advance, and 2) The GIGANTIC plate of 6 chicken legs and thighs(we are talking half chickens here people) that came out to a table with mostly vegetarians. Harvey and Brent ate like kings!

Greetings for a second and final time from London!

Today's Highlights...

#1--Terry our driver to Windsor shared a little British Road Rage with other drivers and our own tour guide. Meanwhile, in the back of the bus "Ginger" was throwing up all over herself and trash bag. "Why was she so sick?" You might be asking... Because she ate at the ONE vendor we have been instructed not to purchase food from. Serves her right, lesson learned.
#2--Additionally, we learned that bus driver solidarity is international, as Terry also felt the need to give British props to other drivers on the road(the other side of the road).
#3--Harvey learned, that groups are not allowed in Harrod's and had several students escorted out. Harvey, being a true hater of poor customer service, then got in to a brief encounter with a guard, ending with the phrase, "Thanks so much for your hospitality."
#4--One young lady "Sarah," as you may remember from yesterday, came to Europe without money, a working credit/debit cards, her parents' phone numbers, and she also has an emergency contact who is on vacation in Alaska. She had to make panicked phone calls home to the church secretary, in a different state from the pastor, leaving a message on the church machine stating, "This is Sarah I am in Europe and I am having money problems, I need you to find my father's cell phone number, and call my teacher's cell phone in Europe."
#4.5-- Karen helped Sarah get a card to work by charging a 85 pence bottle of water. You have to slide the card slowly, very slowly. We hope Sarah can learn how to say very slowly in all of our necessary languages.
#5-- Check in tonight..."Where is Kim, Where is Kim, We can't find Kim?????" We panic, we call, we run down the hall, we call her parents who are on the trip, and she is NO WHERE to be found! We finally learn from a friend that she is in the hotel lobby bathroom pooping.

Today's Award Winners...

"Courtesy Flush Award"-- Kim, thanks for taking it to the lobby!
"Are they lesbians? Award"-- Two awkward girls, are they lesbians or are they running for co-counselship of the Dork Outreach Program
"What the hell would you do that for? Award"-- Two parents who insisted on riding a Double Decker Red bus to...nowhere!
"Grown Folks Things Award"-- To the silver man in Covent Garden who was taking pictures with tourists, drinking, toking the reefer, and dealing drugs

Delphi Heat Index...Today's HOT location
HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS TOASTER OVEN- A three foot radius.
Post Script-- Internal Heat Regulation Awards is a new category created for those special moments when someone can find a way to cool down.
Yesterday--Harvey wins for freezing his ass off, simply by downing a liter of cold cold water
Today-- Holiday Inn Express fan in room 102-- Karen and Clare BEGGED for this and the teenage staff made it happen late. VERY LATE! This kept the room at a very chilly 80 degrees!

Have a great one. We are off to Paris in the morning. Be on the bus at nine, and you better have your passport or Karen will cut you and Harvey will cry!

It has been a long day, but here you go...

We have enjoyed London thus far and here are some highlights you might want to learn more about...
#1-- Our bus driver from Baltimore waved/flashed lights/ honked at every other bus on 95 to indicate his bus driver solidarity. It did not matter that we were in a hurricane(according to two students), driving 70 miles per hour, and reaching rush hour traffic.
#2-- Big mistake to put someone on the plane with tourette's. Sitting a few rows behind Harvey was a young man who had the twitches "Neal," "Hey," and best of all "HELP!" 7 hours and 650 Helps later everyone was glad to get him off the plane, especially the crew.
#3-- Yesterday was a haze for everyone, but one student actually fell asleep in his Thai rice, earning him the "Shuffle off to Buffalo Award."
#4-- Half the group is on a smoking floor, but we have been informed by the teenage hotel staff that, "It is technically not a smoking room if no one in the room is smoking at the time." Clare and Karen had to have the room deionized...really!
#5--One student described our group as "Half of this group is crazy and half are just way out there." True indeed!
#6-- The Delphi Heat index awards for the last three days go to...
Day One -- Karen standing outside of the running bus, checking Passports, in the hot Richmond sun, for 45 minutes while everyone else got on and off multiple times.
Day Two-- Karen and Clare's Room
Day Three-- Anywhere in the British Museum(except the entry way)

Other awards of note:
"Harvey Hates You" The three women who did not realize that they have only paid to be in a triple for the ENTIRE trip(they hate each other and have been complaining about it and everything else from the moment we got on Staples Mill)
"Poor Planning Award" 'Sarah' who came to Europe with no cash and credit cards that don't work
"I helped you award"-- Karen for purchasing 'Sarah' a phone card to get some MFing cash across the damn pond...now
"Becky Groves Memorial Meal"-- Tomato and Brie Sandwich-- 5 pounds

Getting Started

We are embarking on a 17 day trip with 31 students to five European countries. Check back here to see what ensues during the trip!