Where in the world are Harvey's crazy kids?

It has been a while so here you go…
#1—The day that Shit attacked.
A. We go to the Eiffel tower and what happens on the way? Daddy dumb-dumb gets pickpocketed. He spends the rest of the day working that out and getting nasty looks from his wife.
B. Brent and Karen go to Montmarte, have a wonderful time and then Princess falls and hurts her ankle. Her mom rushes to her aide, Karen checks out the situation and gives her 4 Advil.
C. Brandy, a student who our tour guide has suggested has a weird name, leans against the alarm in the subway and the French Police come to check out the scene. Courtland also gets caught in the turnstile, Karen gets him pushed through, and they all almost get arrested.
D.Clare and Harvey don’t ask Mom of Princess how the girl is doing, because they could tell and had talked to Karen, Mom proceeds to explain to Harvey that he and Clare are horrible, Harvey and she have words in the Hard Rock Café. Paula has to calm Harvey down…A LOT.
#2—Off to the Louvre…
A. Injured girl gets a wheelchair and gets a front row seat at the Mona Lisa. She was surrounded by Asain people of all varieties, who probably thought she was a celebrity because she got so close.(Her mom actually pushed her under the barrier).
B. Harvey gave some great Art History lessons.
C. Remember…don’t sit down in the Louvre Mall you will be asked to get up.
D. We felt like cattle.

#3. Beau-JoJo Airport
We left Paris to go the airport. Harvey thought we were going to the airport in Paris. When he woke from his two hour nap, he found the bus in the middle of nowhere. Ryanair, our low cost carrier, makes money by putting its terminals in semi-out of the way locations. One student got through security with a cake cutter…safety first. Karen thought that a chicken might walk by and sit in an empty seat. The seats were made of plastic and had tray table locks, but no tray tables. The flight attendants sold the water, soda, and snacks, but also sold lottery scratch off tickets. There accounting system consisted of generic red solo cups. The plane literally took off and landed in fields of bunnies.

#4..Florence
The Entourage of three ladies with ZERO personality did not leave the hotel on the ONE day we have in Florence, and they could not have cared less.
We learned from our tour guide, Alessandro, today that a) everything created by Michaelangelo was a miracle and that b) everything outside is fake. Evidently, all sculptural and architechtural adornments are housed in a museum behind the Duomo. We figured the fakes must be good fakes so we didn’t bother visiting the real counterparts.
We finish a walking tour and are surrounded by hundreds of cafes in the middle of this pedestrian city and one parent asks, “Where can we find some water.” Harvey wanted to tell that you have to climb the 493 steps of the Duomo to get water, but the tour guide told her, “I don’t know, a café, any café, a café, any café.” The same parent had previously asked “How long is that walk” answer “15 minutes” her next question “How long will that take?” WHAT THE FUCK!!!! (When we recounted these stories with Paula, she asked if this lady was on drugs??)
We saw David and he is uncircumsized, therefore he is not Jewish, therefore this is an artistic piece, NOT an actual storytelling piece.
Speaking of a penis. Harvey and Clare had to put the smack down on some potential (and frankly probable) smelly sex happening between two yucky teenagers.

Here are some awards—
The “F-tard” Award: To the parent who asked all the dumb questions. Seriously. It’s 15 minutes.
The “Red Headed Stranger” Award: To Paola for spontaneously breaking into “On the Road Again” when we got on the bus in Pisa.
The “Homeland Security Code Red” Award: To Paola’s dog who she described thusly, “My dog, she used to be a terrorist. But, she’s giving it up.” We’ll have to take the pooch off the watch list.
The “Realism” Award: To Clare for knowing the value of a euro. After one of the aforementioned yucky teenagers spent 50 euros on a not so great original portrait of herself, we learned that a margarita at the Hard Rock Café cost 10 euro. Brent noted that each margarita was 1/5th of an original portrait. Clare’s realism abounded as she stated, “I’d rather have 5 margaritas.”
The “Best Stereotype” Award: To our local guide, Alessandro, for honestly saying “MAMMA MIA!!!” while using excessive hand gestures.

The Rebecca Danchise Topping Memorial Snack: Nutella and banana crepes.
Hydration Station—the fountain on the Ponte Vecchio.
Delphi Heat Index Award—the hot stone steps we sat on in a piazza today even though they were in the shade.
Internal Heat Regulation Award—Karen and Clare’s air conditioning which was a miracle due to their faith in G-d.

PS. Our darling student with no money or cell phone numbers got her credit cards to work. Now she is charging everything for people to get pocket money. Still no word from mom, dad, or the church secretary.