Pompeii--ONE THING MORE!

Let’s just start this off by saying that we got the XXX tour of the grounds. Gianni in true Italian style met us with his shirt unbuttoned, revealing his graying chest hair, his thick accent, ball hugging white pants, and misogynistic overtones.

1) Harvey gets things started off right at breakfast by yelling at a student for asking questions and then doing whatever the hell she wants(he ruins her day, he doesn’t care). Harvey continues a great breakfast by suggesting that Karen must write a grant to come back to this hotel to help the geriatric crowd.
2) We get to Pompeii and learn so much…
a. Vomitorium—the citizens of Pompeii wanted to impress each other so at dinner they would often eat until they were full and then puke it up to eat some more. They also laid down to eat.
b. Let’s Get It Started—Often after vomiting and eating Gianni reported that the orgies could just start write there at the dinner table. Very forward thinking Romans.
c. Get in the Corner—One the first night of a Roman Marriage you might think these people needed to consummate their love…WRONG. Gianni has learned that Roman men would bring their new 14 year old wives home and put them in the corner. Once in the corner a man would tell the wife about all of her chores, then he would go have sex with his young male boy toy. Mazel Tov!
d. Pompeii has He/Shes—Gianni constantly referred to the prostitution ring going on in Pompeii. Some had pimps, some didn’t. Their calling card was a howl in the streets and Gianni really wanted to emphasize that the prostitutes came in the form of both genders…he and she. Whatever you like. All of the citizens wanted to look good so they would wax themselves head to toe for the he/she prostitutes so that they would like NICE. Gianni really needed to emphasize that these people wanted to look nice NOT handsome.
e. PHALLIC SYMBOLS—There are more penises in Pompeii and on our tour than there are in all of this years Playgirl Magazines. There phallic symbols made of stone, paint, and plaster. Penises could be used as arrows to point you towards the red light district. Dicks were given as gifts. You would never, ever buy a penis for yourself. Gianni really needed to impress upon us the idea that the bigger the penis the better. I mean who didn’t know that. I’m sure his wife is happy because his ball huggers left nothing to the imagination. Gianni also needed to take a moment to look out for our students and he talked to us like he talked to his own kids. What did he tell the students? USE CONDOMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Romans invented condoms coming in all shapes and sizes and mediums. The condom material of choice…cow intestines.
f. A visit to the brothel was great. The brothel was set up like McDonalds you just look at the pictures and point at what you wanted. We walked in and saw paintings of spankings, tickling, butt sex and more! The students either loved it or hated it. Some hightailed it out of there, meanwhile others took pictures, drew sketches, and made notes about positions of choice in the ancient city. Upon exiting the brothel we heard the following from the kids:
i. “That looks complicated”
ii. “I didn’t know that was possible”
iii. “Is that one getting spanked?”
iv. “I see my future(she was talking about archaeology, but was looking at fresco porn.)”

Awards

International Ambassador Award—Clare, who ran into people she new at Pompeii
Stereotype Award—Antonio, our driver. He was sporting an Italian Jerry Curl, an open shirt, wild chest hair, and gold chain.
Delphi Heat Index—ALL OF POMPEII—hotter than pyroclastic flow(not lava)
Internal Heat regulation—Italian Slushies!!